I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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