this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
