we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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