my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
