You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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