I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
