Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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