Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
