I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
