turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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