you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
