Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
