I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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