she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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