smell my finger.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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