She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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