You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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