TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
