he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
