Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
