We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
