Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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