i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
