they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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