I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
