happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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