She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
