I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
