16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
