We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
