that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
