You made me cry and you don't even care
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
