My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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