I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
