my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
