have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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