Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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