10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
