i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
