Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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