i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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