I wish I only lived at night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
