I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
