I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
