I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
