I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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