"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
