Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
