Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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