like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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