My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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