what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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