Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize