How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
