I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
