Do you still have your period?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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