I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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