And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
