Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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