before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
