Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
