in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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