My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
