Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
