If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
