Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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