So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
