I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're like the curious george of whores
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got inside last night via doggy door
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
