dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
