if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
