meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sext me about skeletons
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
