my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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