Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
