The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
