Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
