I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
